MOTIVATION

On September 26th, Xaylor James Butterfield was born. He was so adorable! We were SO glad to finally get him here.

MY PREGNANCY

During the first couple months I began to be extremely exhausted.

By 3-4 months into it - I began to have severe pains in my legs and back. In the morning I would shake uncontrollably for hours. I couldn't walk without pain, and the exhaustion grew to the point where some days I couldn't even get out of bed.

By 4-5 months - I began asking for help. Justin was missing too much work and it became obvious that I would need to swallow my oversized pride and ask others to help me.

My dear Friend Renae would come over 2 mornings a week, and my sweet Mother-In-Law would come over 2 mornings as well. After 4 weeks of this pattern, the shaking stopped, and Justin began working from home most mornings until I could manage my exhaustion.

By 5-6 months - the back and leg pain became so severe that I couldn't sleep at night. Sharp pains would just come out of nowhere at anytime, whether awake or asleep. My friend Renae hooked me up with a Chiropractor. It helped a little bit.

I began contracting and had to go to the hospital several times to stop the labor. I contracted anywhere from 5-30 times a day, every day, at about 28 weeks pregnant until Xaylor came (at 38 weeks).

By 6-8 months - sleep was nonexistant. I figured it was just preparing me for the new baby. I tried to stay positive, but most days left me in tears. I pushed through the pain in order to take my kids places, but that usually resulted in 2-5 days of not getting out of bed.

My visiting teacher (aka: my angels), came and cleaned my house, even my toilets. It was hard for me to let them do this, feeling so useless - but I love them so dearly for helping me during that hard time.

MY DELIVERY

It was Sunday, and the Primary Program was at 1:00. I had to be there at 12:15 to make sure everything was set to go. I wanted it to be perfect. I'd been having dreams about everything and anything that could go wrong. I tried not to

stress - but this was my baby and I wanted it to be perfect.

Everything was set, the kids were in their seats, and sacrament meeting began.

At 1:05 my contractions began. This was no big deal - this happened everyday - so I just ignored it as best I could. But than another, and another, and they weren't far apart. I waved Justin down (three kids down the pew), and pointed to my wrist. He knew exactly what that meant. Contraction, than 5 minutes later contraction, than 5 minutes later contraction. IT WAS FINALLY HAPPENING.

I was giving the closing remarks and so I sat there, with a new excited glow, waiting my turn to speak so we could get the heck out of there! I began my remarks with "My contractions are currently 5-minutes apart, but hooray I made it through the primary program."

Justin and I hurried and arranged places for the kids to go, and grabbed Mira and off we went to the hospital.

Xaylor was born at 8:30pm and was so beautiful. The delivery went perfect, he was perfect, and I felt great.

BUT - now began my road to recovery. So I've decided to begin a journal of my daily grime and grit. I'm hoping it will give me more motivation and strength as I struggle and thrive being a mother of 4.