A Week of Thanks

This time of year always bring out the thankfulness in me. There are so many things that I am so lucky to have. And not just a house, or food (which most of us have) - but the big stuff like 4 beautiful healthy children who make me laugh daily, a kind and faithful husband, and the church and atonement that will allow me to be with my Heavenly Father again one day.

It seems too early to be getting so sentimental. But lack of sleep sometimes brings the emotional and "feely" side out of me. And since sleep has been a little lacking these days - it seems most days I cry about something. Whether it's a commercial, a song on the radio, or just random thoughts and daily trials.

It's funny how the things that I am so thankful for - seem to be the things I also complain the most about.

You know, complaining seems to come too easy - especially for me. I think that if you hold it in than it will build up and one day explode into a big meltdown. This has actually happened once or twice - so my conclusion after these breakdowns was to always be honest about how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. But this turns out to be a fault of mine.

I sometimes say things - that maybe should have been kept under lock and key. Because being truthful about what you feel and think can sometimes be deemed somewhat "inappropriate".

I just typed a couple of examples of things I've done and said - but I actually deleted them due to the fact that I'm still a little embarrassed about them. But lets just say that they probably shouldn't have come out.

I am just so thankful for friends and family who know these things, and love me anyways.

So Thankful!

Yesterday I took my measurements as compared to 6 weeks ago. For the first time in awhile I was actually thankful for a measuring tape. I'm going to put these on this post. Not because I really want anybody to know them - but I know that I will eventually loose the paper that I wrote them down on (either by kid or a mommy extreme clean-up), and I want to have something to compare to 6-weeks from now. I'll take motivation in any form right now...

FIRST MEASUREMENT (Oct. 12) SECOND MEASUREMENT (Nov. 21)

Waste 36.5" 32.5"

Hip 43.5" 41"

Thigh 26" 24.5"

Neck 14" 13"

Chest 40" 39"

Gut ? 39"

I hope by New Years to have some smaller numbers - we'll see...

Here I Go Again

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyVzjoj96vs
I remember sitting on the couch (which was basically my home the last 3 months of my pregnancy), finishing my Kneaders turkey sandwich and 2 pastries and thinking to myself "How am I ever going to get this weight off?"

My starting weight before I got pregnant was 145. But, like usual, not being able to move and eating up a storm, I once again gained my regular 55 lbs over the course of the next 9 months. I really DO NOT care about weight when I'm pregnant. It's almost a gift :-) But I do fret over whether or not I can lose the weight again.

In February when I found out I was pregnant I was shocked -

to say the least. I had just been invited to join a team for Ragnar and was feeling healthy and in shape. The gym was actually becoming a happy place to visit.

I hate to admit it - but I cried and was upset about having to do all that work all over again.

Going to the gym is like a sweet roll that tastes like crap. Both good and bad.

Constantly feeling like your working against your own body to form it into something that it obviously doesn't want - but once it's done your body lets you know how grateful it is. In short: Working out, for me, hurts like hell (especially in the beginning). This is part of my dread when getting pregnant - to know that I have to do the beginning all over again.

I know, I know - why don't I just work out throughout the pregnancy and stay in shape. I see women at the gym with 8 month bellies working their patooties off, why not me? Well - if it was possible you'd see me there elipticalling it away with baby got front - but time after time my body does not allow it. Of course I try, and after 3 days of not getting out of bed after a workout I eventually decide that taking care of my kids, home, and husband is more important than staying in shape.

NOW.....

It's begun again. My starting weight was 189, and after my 6-week program I am at 165.

But staying motivated is the hardest thing.

Let me take you through a typical day really quick. Wake up 2-3am, feed baby. Wake up 4-6am - feed baby. 7-8am feed Xay in bed. Justin gets breakfast for kids. 8:20am Mira off to school. On M,W,F - Boyd off to preschool at 9:30. Start load laundry, clean kitchen, pick up house until 11:19 when Mira gets out. Get Mira, get Boyd. Make lunch. Rulon's nap. (All the time feeding Xaylor and holding Xaylor).

Keep kids quiet so Rulon & Xaylor can sleep. After naps - pack up all 4 kiddies (takes about 30-45 minutes) and head to the gym. 2 hour "break" of kicking my toosh, pack kids back up in car. Go home, make dinner, watch kiddie show, bathtime, bedtime routine (anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours). Bounce Xaylor until he falls asleep (anytime from 10pm-12am). Off too bed for another day.

Just to make it clear - I LOVE BEING A MOM! My days don't weigh me down, I enjoy my job. It's just hard staying motivated. No nummy food, no shopping, no sleep, and until recently no sex = stressful tiredness unfunness.

I know this won't last forever - and I tell myself this every day :-)

But in order to stay motivated I feel like I need to keep a log of my diet, exercise, and feelings. This way I can see my progress and not feel like I'm doing this for nothing. Even if I can only do 7 push-ups rights now - maybe in two weeks I'll be able to do 8. Sometimes the day to day progress isn't noticeable - but being able to read back on where I was 2-3 ago and looking at where I'm at now will help inspire me to keep going.

So today.... I had a shake for breakfast, will have almonds and chicken for lunch, apple for a snack, and than at 4:00 I head to the gym. Justin picks up the kids at 5:30 so I can work out longer and than for dinner I will have another shake and some more nuts.

Current stats:

Last Run: 3 miles in 35 minutes

Last weight: 10 lb biceps, 12 lb mower pulls, 70 lb pull downs, 3-sets 20 each triceps, 7 push-ups, 50 lb push tri's.

Last elliptical: 3 miles in 34 minutes

Last stairclimber: 50 floors in 15 minutes

Last rower: 2000 meters in 13 minutes

Last bike: 112 cal, 2.98 miles in 10 minutes

Here I go again :-) Wish me luck!

MOTIVATION

On September 26th, Xaylor James Butterfield was born. He was so adorable! We were SO glad to finally get him here.

MY PREGNANCY

During the first couple months I began to be extremely exhausted.

By 3-4 months into it - I began to have severe pains in my legs and back. In the morning I would shake uncontrollably for hours. I couldn't walk without pain, and the exhaustion grew to the point where some days I couldn't even get out of bed.

By 4-5 months - I began asking for help. Justin was missing too much work and it became obvious that I would need to swallow my oversized pride and ask others to help me.

My dear Friend Renae would come over 2 mornings a week, and my sweet Mother-In-Law would come over 2 mornings as well. After 4 weeks of this pattern, the shaking stopped, and Justin began working from home most mornings until I could manage my exhaustion.

By 5-6 months - the back and leg pain became so severe that I couldn't sleep at night. Sharp pains would just come out of nowhere at anytime, whether awake or asleep. My friend Renae hooked me up with a Chiropractor. It helped a little bit.

I began contracting and had to go to the hospital several times to stop the labor. I contracted anywhere from 5-30 times a day, every day, at about 28 weeks pregnant until Xaylor came (at 38 weeks).

By 6-8 months - sleep was nonexistant. I figured it was just preparing me for the new baby. I tried to stay positive, but most days left me in tears. I pushed through the pain in order to take my kids places, but that usually resulted in 2-5 days of not getting out of bed.

My visiting teacher (aka: my angels), came and cleaned my house, even my toilets. It was hard for me to let them do this, feeling so useless - but I love them so dearly for helping me during that hard time.

MY DELIVERY

It was Sunday, and the Primary Program was at 1:00. I had to be there at 12:15 to make sure everything was set to go. I wanted it to be perfect. I'd been having dreams about everything and anything that could go wrong. I tried not to

stress - but this was my baby and I wanted it to be perfect.

Everything was set, the kids were in their seats, and sacrament meeting began.

At 1:05 my contractions began. This was no big deal - this happened everyday - so I just ignored it as best I could. But than another, and another, and they weren't far apart. I waved Justin down (three kids down the pew), and pointed to my wrist. He knew exactly what that meant. Contraction, than 5 minutes later contraction, than 5 minutes later contraction. IT WAS FINALLY HAPPENING.

I was giving the closing remarks and so I sat there, with a new excited glow, waiting my turn to speak so we could get the heck out of there! I began my remarks with "My contractions are currently 5-minutes apart, but hooray I made it through the primary program."

Justin and I hurried and arranged places for the kids to go, and grabbed Mira and off we went to the hospital.

Xaylor was born at 8:30pm and was so beautiful. The delivery went perfect, he was perfect, and I felt great.

BUT - now began my road to recovery. So I've decided to begin a journal of my daily grime and grit. I'm hoping it will give me more motivation and strength as I struggle and thrive being a mother of 4.

NEW BABY BOY

Rulon Justin Butterfield
05/04/09 @ 1:22am
6 lbs 3 oz, 20 inches

What a crazy last couple of weeks. Of course having a baby is always a crazy thing:-)

So the sleepless nights, the sore boobs, and the "healing" down below - you know, the usual.

It's crazy how each baby is so different.

Mira: So excited. First baby. Took so long to get pregnant. Than she came, and that's when all hell broke loose. Screaming, barfing, non-cuddly, beautiful baby Mira. Post pardom was awful. But I had no idea what I gotten myself into.

Boyd: So excited. Second baby. Only a couple months of fertility.Very nervous about having another newborn (hence the Mira era). He came and was such a snuggler. He was a spitter too, but the cuddling made up for it.

Rulon: SURPRISE! Got pregnant during a huge transitional time. Hardest pregnancy yet on my body. Labored for 3 weeks on and off. Being sent home without a baby from the hospital is the worst! But than he came. Easiest delivery ever! Perfect, with no complications at all. Even the healing has been awesome. He's such a sweetie, and loves to cuddle. He looks just like his Dad, and not much like his Bro & Sis.

We are loving having him here. So far not too bad. I'm still getting up every 30-90 minutes throughout the night, and am a little sleep deprived, but we're going good.

He has bright blue eyes and brown hair. When he looks at me it seems like there is such sweetness and smarty pantness behind his eyes. I cannot wait to see him grow up and get to know his little spirit more.

We feel SO blessed to have our children. They are all so different and so fun. And YES - we do plan on adding more:-)

OH THE JOYS OF A RENTAL HOME

OF MICE AND MEN (or WOMAN)

So today I got up and we are finally getting over the strep. Yep - Tuesday the whole family spent the morning at an IHC instacare where the result was positive. Not in a good way. Everybody had strep. After two days of awfulness - I was ready this morning for a good day - dangit!

After laundry and cleaning all morning (finally a clean house...) I was vacuuming and a little friend scampered across the floor. Now - I'm not really scared of a mouse - but yes I did do the girly Ahhh and may have jumped a little.

He/she ran straight into my pantry full of all sorts of yummy foods.

I hate to admit it - but I panicked. I called Terminex and was going to let them deal with it. They didn't call back for 2 whole hours. I had trapped the little bugger with one of the kids blankies blocking the pathway under the door (yes I washed this later - ewe!). When they called back and told me they wouldn't be here until tomorrow I knew what had to be done.

So with spatula and rubber bowl in hand I opened the pantry. "Here mousy mousy". I slowly took one thing out at a time. There was mouse poop everywhere and two bags of chips and actually been eaten through - not very bright because just 2 shelves up there was a perfectly good bag of chips already opened.

I was ready to smack and cover at the first movement. Just then - I stepped on something squishy and I was up in arms (jumping and squealing at the same time). Whew - it was just one of those stupid jelly bracelets. But where the crap is the mouse?

I cleaned out the whole pantry - which was great for finally gettting it organized - and the little bugger wasn't there. He must have slipped out during the jelly bracelet part.

No mouse - dangit!

I called Justin and told him to stop on the way home and pick up some mouse traps (as this is exactly what the Property Management Company told me to do - losers!)

When Justin got home he started to put the traps together and as he was sticking them in the bottom of the pantry - POP - there he/she was!!! I told him to move aside and let me get the bugger. I was getting this mouse one way or another.

He/she JUMPED AT ME - and BAM - I smacked the plastic bowl right on top of his head. VICTORY!!! I was so excited. Mira and Boyd came a running - they thought that was the coolest thing ever.

Oh - but it wasn't Over - OH NO! POP, scatter, POP - OH MY HECK - yep Another one. Justin slid the first one across the floor with the kids scooting along with him. You'd think we never had a pet - oh wait we never have. So anyway...

It jumped too (must be a sibling, they act the same:-). And BAM - under the bowl he went.

Whew! Now they sit in their little bowls with paper plate lids (with air holes of course) with mouse killer pellets just waiting to be eaten. They really are quite cute little verman.

BUT - I burned my chicken while I was trying to catch them - so I think we might be having MouseKaBobs for dinner:-) So much for cute - more like nummy!

HALLOWEEN 2008

So today started out NOT like any other day. Up before dawn due to my endless nightmares this week (Must Be A Halloween Thing), and than a morning and afternoon filled with yard work fun.
BTW - THANK YOU TAMMY, ANNA & KIRSTEN for ALL your help today.

I finally got the flowerbeds to look Great.

By 1:00 I was ready to pass out - this included not just yard work but several diaper changes, quick lunch for the kids, and 2 time outs. Whew! So I began my short relaxation on the couch with some leftover chicken enchiladas - YUMMY!

At 2:30 I began getting Mira and I ready for trick or treating at Daddy's work. I know I should have passed on this - but who misses the chance to show off such cute kids:-)

By 3:30 all the kids are in the car ready to go. I still have rollers in my hair and for the life of me I cannot find my cell phone. WITHOUT MY CELL PHONE - I am driving naked. It's just not doable. So I began my calls to my phone with half my curlers still in my hair and only 1 knee high nylon on.

I kept my ear to the side of that couch for 3 whole phone calls. For the life of me - I couldn't figure out how the heck it got down there. So I got a knife and I attempted to turn the BIG couch over. My leg still hurts. So I braced myself and grunted a big "OOOOOOOAAA" and it lifted. It was a miracle. However - I heard a distinct ripping sounds from my body. I was a little worried until I saw that the whole side of my costume had been torn. But - I got my phone.

So off to Dad's work. Fun - quick, and dad got off early.

This was the 1st year I've gotten to go trick-or-treating with the kids. It was so much fun. The only problem was when someone didn't answer the door - Boyd would break down into a fit of rage. Can you blame him - I mean What The Hell is wrong with people that write things on their door like "No Candy, Go Away". Asses! Boyd just expressed what we were all feeling.

We came home and spread out the candy and went Hog Wild. All of us ate til we were sick. Boyd opened all the suckers and tasted them and than ate the one he thought was the best. I had to remind my conservative hubby (aka Dad) - that it wasn't a big deal.

Now I'm ready to get this dress off and relax my ta-tas for awhie. PJ's and shower here I come.

I hope everyone had as fun a Halloween as we did!

October 26, 2008

BOYD'S FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY

This is my first official blog. I've heard this is pretty cool stuff - so I thought I'd give it a try.

Boyd's Birthday was yesterday. We didn't really say anything because his party is next week (we delayed his birthday due to a BYU football game - I know, I know). But when we went to the Butterfield Halloween party they sang to him. He was so excited to get all that attention and he is just learning how to blow out the candle.

Basically - he sucks at the candle thing - but he's got years to improve it:-)

Than we went to a haunted forrest at this nursery which was pretty cool for being free. I wish I would have known ahead of time because my cute black heels were not the shoe of choice for the dirt path. Step, smoosh, step, smoosh - you get the gist.

Mira was so scared and kept grabbing onto me as tight as possible - thus cutting off my air circulation. Which basically came down to step, squish, breath, step, squish, breath.

However today she was begging to go back. She's such a horror junkie.

So a BYU game, Halloween party, Birthday Party, and haunted forest - I think I'm pretty much a super Mom (for a moment anyway).

Oh and Boyd is the freakin cutest chicken/turkey I've ever seen.